Today...

Have you ever prayed a prayer that just seemed to prove to yourself that prayers can work miracles? That God is really listening and really cares? I had one of those last night. I feel like a different person this morning.

I feel happy, and relaxed. I've been living in fear and stress for the past three years. When I went away to college, I fell out of God. I have so many questions that have yet to answer, but I think last night was the step back in the direction to God. I was simply praying, being honest like I always am. I like to confess everything to God, because I know he respects honesty and knows your heart anyway.

But it turned from me bearing my soul as usual, to simply requesting that he keep different people in my life safe and happy and healthy. By the end of it, I was practically sobbing. Only I was crying, and smiling and laughing.

Recently my sister announced to the family that she's pregnant. I don't think I'm ever going to be a mother. I have a feeling I'm never going to be married, or have kids of my own. But I already feel so much love for this child growing inside of her. I am ready to be the best Aunt in the history of Aunts. I kept thanking God for the little guy (or gal, whichever) and asking him to keep it safe. I asked for it to be beautiful, and safe, and smart. I want the best for that kid. It's not mine, but its related to me. It has my blood in its veins (kind of).

I can't believe my sister is going to be a mother. I can't believe I'm going to be a legit aunt. I keep telling my mom and my sister that I REFUSE to be called Auntie Em. REFUSE. If I hear that kid calling me that, I'm going to take it to my place, feed it coffee and candy and teach it all types of swear words then send it back to my sister.

Because that's what Aunts are for.