Dear University,

First off let me just say that I enjoy going here (usually). I really like (most of) the people who attend here with me. The buildings are (usually) kept up nicely (with 'nicely' loosely defined), and the campus is beautiful (on the south side, where I never attend classes.)

But I have a few complaints.

First: could you please fix the Internet. This is a small problem, but sometimes the whole campus will be lacking Internet for an entire day, for some unexplained reason. Second, could you please stop decorating campus with our tuition money? I pay to go here in the hopes of getting the best education I can. I understand wanting to peacock the place so more naive students are tricked into thinking we actually care about our facilities, but could you PLEASE take care of the mold problem in the dorms first? I live there!! I mean, you do realize that the science center is a huge, perfectly working, well stocked building, and while you re construct it, the students in the dorms either freeze or melt to death because you won't cough up the money for a proper air system? You do realize that the shower in the Towers is from 1923 so the shower head isn't adjustable so it's always pointing directly at the wall of the 3x3 shower, and has so much zinc build up that it blasts your skin off? Do you know that? Do you know that half my room was falling apart when I moved in--was even still dirty from the term before (I found silly string adhered to my shades) and now I'm probably going to have to clean it or pay? Shouldn't that have been taken care of over the summer when no one was living there?

Also, the sandwich place has this really confusing menu problem. I know this sounds silly, but it's really annoying to have to order the BLT Club, when all you want is a regular BLT. Because the BLT Club's ingredients are those of a normal BLT, and the menu listed BLT has ingredients of a BLT Club. It's really confusing. I'm not sure if you can fix that, but you should look into it.

Don't get me wrong. I love (most of) my classes. I love all of my (theater) professors. But seriously? Would it kill you to treat your students--who are paying a majority of your salary--with a bit more respect?

Sincerely,

Emily

Ever had one of those days...

Where you feel completely alone?

I had hang out times with three different friends today. I was really excited because I don't get to hang out with any of them very often. This morning, I canceled on coffee with the first one, because it was too early and I wanted to sleep.

I was supposed to have lunch with the second friend. She never called or texted. I texted her and got a response, "who is this? You have the wrong number." Ouch.

Then I was supposed to spend the evening with another friend of mine. She is the one who asked to hang out. Then she got called into work.

I just feel like everyone always bails when I get really excited about something. I just feel completely alone. I feel, right now, like no one wants to talk to me. I hate this feeling...I'm sure it will be gone by morning...hopefully. It just sucks right now. Am putting my mind into art.

Am listening to Breaking Benjamin until my ears ring. This day just needs to be over.

Good morning, love of mine.

Good morning, love of mine.

You look beautiful in the sunlight.

You look peaceful with your eyes closed,

and surprised when you wake.

Good morning, love of mine.

Your hair is in your eyes,

but you hardly seem to care.

Your eyes get bluer in the morning.

Good morning, love of mine.

Do you mind if I stare at you a while?

I could watch your face forever.

Every day I find something new.

Good morning, love of mine.

Do you miss me while you sleep?

Because I dream of you.

You're really all I think about.

Good morning, love of mine.

You hold my heart on your sleeve.

I want to wrap you in my arms.

But I can't get courage to speak.

Good morning, love of mine.

One day I'll tell you my feelings.

One day I'll let you know I'm here.

One day I won't need to stand outside anymore.

Good morning, love of mine...

Who is he?

This is a poem I wrote. A little morbid. A little creepy. But I like it. Written in the perspective of a male.

I know, I know...

Two in one day!? Yes.

Why? Because I'm avoiding homework. I mean, honestly. I've been sitting in the library for several hours now, and have only gotten one academic thing accomplished. For the most part, I've been editing a book I've recently finished.

I've found out that if I have people willing to read the story, I'm more eager to edit and get it finished. I currently have four people lined up to read through it for me...unfortunately for them, I also typed up a worksheet with about 30 questions on it so far. I read and edited for about six hours yesterday. Am I the only one who gets sore legs/muscles from sitting too long?

I had a point to this...and now I can't remember it. It was about my writing...

I write best when I'm not in front of a computer. When I'm walking without headphones, I entertain myself by writing passages in my head. I have gotten some of my best stuff that way. The only problem is I don't generally like walking without my headphones. Headphones make me feel like I have my own personal soundtrack. One of the things I want to do before I die is have my own slow-motion entrance. That and act in an infomercial. Do you think they would do a slow-motion entrance in an infomercial? It could be about that.

"Tired of walking too fast into rooms? Tired of no one turning to look when you saunter into a crowded area? Well worry no longer!! Introducing: The Make Your Own Slow-Motion Entrance!"

There could be shots of people rushing into rooms and running into doors, or tripping all over themselves, or sobbing because no one cares that they arrived. Then of course there would be all sorts of other things you could do with it.

"Slow down time when you're on a dead line! Make things more dramatic while finishing a race, or having a fight! Make ANY mundane moment seem significant with our Make Your Own Slow-Motion Entrance!!"

Then there would be shots of people entering places really gracefully in slo-mo. Slow shots of birthday parties, or people jumping on the trampoline, having dinner. Naturally, there would be lots of free things thrown in.

"And if you call now, we'll throw in our FREE Sound Effect generator! In three colors! Plus, these DRAMATIC dark shaded sunglasses for those Action Slow Motion Moments when you need to look extra cool!"

Wow. This got way off topic. But I'm glad we did this. CALL NOW IF YOU WANT OUR NEW 'THE MAKE YOUR OWN SLOW-MOTION ENTRANCE!!! Make life worth entering!!!

Dear MLK Day,

I really appreciate that because of you I have no class. I really appreciate what you did for human kind, and equality. I love that because of you, the world is a better place. I love that I get to sleep in, and only have two days of classes this week now...

But I just have one question,

Why do you make all of the food places close on campus today? Do you not think that college kids need to eat simply because it is your day? Because, guess what? We do. I need food.

Sincerely,

Emily

Today...

Have you ever prayed a prayer that just seemed to prove to yourself that prayers can work miracles? That God is really listening and really cares? I had one of those last night. I feel like a different person this morning.

I feel happy, and relaxed. I've been living in fear and stress for the past three years. When I went away to college, I fell out of God. I have so many questions that have yet to answer, but I think last night was the step back in the direction to God. I was simply praying, being honest like I always am. I like to confess everything to God, because I know he respects honesty and knows your heart anyway.

But it turned from me bearing my soul as usual, to simply requesting that he keep different people in my life safe and happy and healthy. By the end of it, I was practically sobbing. Only I was crying, and smiling and laughing.

Recently my sister announced to the family that she's pregnant. I don't think I'm ever going to be a mother. I have a feeling I'm never going to be married, or have kids of my own. But I already feel so much love for this child growing inside of her. I am ready to be the best Aunt in the history of Aunts. I kept thanking God for the little guy (or gal, whichever) and asking him to keep it safe. I asked for it to be beautiful, and safe, and smart. I want the best for that kid. It's not mine, but its related to me. It has my blood in its veins (kind of).

I can't believe my sister is going to be a mother. I can't believe I'm going to be a legit aunt. I keep telling my mom and my sister that I REFUSE to be called Auntie Em. REFUSE. If I hear that kid calling me that, I'm going to take it to my place, feed it coffee and candy and teach it all types of swear words then send it back to my sister.

Because that's what Aunts are for.

Fanny Brice

"Funny Girl" has always been my favorite musical...always since the first time I saw it a few years back, anyway. There is so much I can relate to Fanny Brice. Her whole life everyone tells her she can't be famous because she isn't pretty, she's plain. She's plain but she was born to be a performer. She was born to make people laugh...

That's how I feel. I sometimes feel like I don't get parts because I don't look good on stage. But the thing is, it's where I'm happiest. I was born to stand under stage lights and make people laugh. Make people believe I'm someone else.

I love being backstage, don't get me wrong. I don't mind at all working with my hands, and I tend to get along better with Techies than with actors. Actors tend to be a little stuck up and I can't stand arrogance.

But I don't feel completely happy unless I'm performing. I miss it terribly. I'll miss it until I'm performing again. I hate auditioning, but I'll keep coming at the theatre world until they recognize me. 'Cause..."I'm the greatest star, I am by far, But no one knows it! That's why I was born-- I'll blow my horn Till someone blows it!"

Pioneers, O Pioneers!

COME my tan-faced children,

Follow well in order, get your weapons ready,

Have you your pistols? have you your sharp-edged axes?

Pioneers! O pioneers!

For we cannot tarry here,
We must march my darlings, we must bear the brunt of danger,
We the youthful sinewy races, all the rest on us depend,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

O you youths, Western youths,
So impatient, full of action, full of manly pride and friendship,
Plain I see you Western youths, see you tramping with the foremost,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

-Walt Whitman

http://www.princeton.edu/~batke/logr/log_094.html

My Misguided Youth

It was when we thought we were the center of the universe.

When we were the center of our universe.

When our hair was long, blonde, and straight.

Before we had braces.

When we had curfews.

It was before our parents trusted us.

Before we made our own decisions.

When Fall Out Boy was the anthem of our road trips.

When boys were second best and kissing was all we thought about.

When the wind picked up and lifted our bangs from our faces and we didn't care.

Before we didn't need cream and sugar in our coffee.

Before we drank coffee.

When our biggest problem was cleaning our room.

It was before we were good at anything.

But when we believed we were amazing at everything.

When we thought we knew everything.

Before we wanted to learn.

Before we understood.

When we still thought cafeteria lunches were nutritious.

Before we understood what love actually was.

It was before I met you...

Wash my hands of it...

Is it weird that after a long day of manual labor, my favorite part is washing my hands with cold water after?? It's so satisfying...watching all of the dirt rinse off your hands and down the drains. Plus, the cold water feels really good on blisters.

I've been listening to the Dr. Horrible soundtrack a lot lately.

I had my first production meeting this afternoon. It was kind of pointless, if I'm going to be honest. It was interesting, and it felt really good to be included in the important stuff like that, but there really wasn't a point to me being there at this stage. I'm co-set crew heading. Which means I'm half in charge of set crew. Right now they are still talking about the designs and building things.

My job is to move those things once they get built. I mean, really. I have no say in the designs or anything. After the meeting I grabbed some lunch, then went into the scene shop and worked for a few hours. Betty and I ripped muslin off some soft flats, then took all the tacks out and got them ready for new muslin.

Other than the fact that the guy in charge of the scene shop thinks it's a good idea to listen to NPR while we work, it's a lot of fun. Betty and I joked around and just had fun destroying things.

After we just moved a bunch of large awkward flats from the stage area to the shop area. Normal manual labor stuff. I think it would be a lot of fun to be a painter when I graduate. Painting flats. I'm really good at that, and I love painting.

Speaking of, last term I bought a set of oil paints. I started this really cool picture of a jellyfish and a boat on the ocean. But I ran out of white paint and now I can't finish it. I really need some...all I need to paint is the sky and the boat. How frustrating.

All in all I had a really good day and I plan on working in the shop a lot more so I'm sure I'll have some stories for that...not that anyone reads this. (:

The day Thursday Froze Over

I have had a really long day. Before last semester ended I registered for 5 courses. Monday-Thursday. Today I had my first taste of the classes scheduled for Tuesday/Thursday. The first was an oral interpretation of children's literature class. The professor seemed really fun and engaging and just amazing. The second class was an intro to electronic media. Which means the Media, in electronics.

When I finished the day at two o'clock, I went to the Ugly Mug and promptly dropped both.

I then proceeded to sign up for two more courses to fill the credits. Without thinking, I scheduled them both for Thursday afternoon. Meaning I had to pack up all my things and trek across campus (in a typical Michigan blizzard) and attend two more classes. Two classes both three hours long.

So I attended four classes today. I was in class from 11:00am-9:10pm. Long. Day. I'm really happy to be back in my dorm, but I'm really sick of sitting. My legs aren't that happy either.

One of the classes I registered for today, and am keeping, is a film appreciation course. It's held in the campus art department building. I have never been in there except to go to the gallery...needless to say I had no idea how to find "studio B." Especially since all the classes were numbered, not lettered. While I was bumbling around the building, I am 90% sure I saw a girl I graduated with that I haven't thought about since that day. We were friends when we were little, but didn't talk at all as we grew older.

Finally on the second floor, after looking up the class again to make sure I had the right building, I saw a guy meandering through the halls, looking just as lost as I was. I turned to him.

"What class are you looking for?"

He stopped in his tracks. "Uh...film appreciation."

"Me too!!" I exclaim excitedly, happy to have found a comrade in my cluelessness.

Thus I met Edward. Don't get all excited, he's not Edward Cullen, and this blog isn't about to turn into a real life Twilight...thank God.

Right, I'm going to go back to my 10:00 pm dinner now.