Sound of Modern Silence
Two people sit back to back, looking out. Generous pause/silence.
A: Shh!
B: (Whispering) I didn’t say anything.
A: Shh!
B: (Rolls eyes and waits.)
A: Do you hear that?
B: What?
A: Shh!
(Pause)
A: What?
B: I didn’t say anything.
A: What is that??
B: Shhh! (Long pause. Whispers) I have no idea.
A: Do you have a—
B: Feeling? Yeah.
A: I don’t like it.
B: Maybe if we’re quiet.
A: I don’t like it.
B: What?
A: The sound.
B: What sound?
A: The sound of us being quiet.
B: That’s not sound.
A: It is.
B: It isn’t!
A: It most definitely is. Don’t question me.
B: (sighs heavily).
A: Don’t get emotional!
B: (Emotional) I’m not emotional!
A: Will you please SHUT, UP!?
B: I thought you said you didn’t like the quiet?
A: I changed my mind. It’s better this way. None of us talking.
B: Fine.
A: Fine.
B: I’ll be quiet.
A: Please.
B: As a whisper.
A: Whispers are not quiet. Still sounds.
B: They don’t make your vocal chords move.
A: Will you please, QUIET YOURSELF!?
B: Don’t yell at me.
A: I am not yelling.
B: What do you constitute as yelling?
A: …I will not play your silly game.
B: Shh!
A: What?
B: I thought I heard something…
A: What?
B: The sound of your bullshit.
A: Bad form!
B: Only retaliating.
A: (Mutters) Big baby…
B: What?
A: Nothing! Must have been the silence.
B: Oh…
A: Silence has gotten funny, now-a-days…
B: How do you mean?
A: (Musing. Enjoying it.) Oh…silence isn’t really silence anymore, is it? There’s constant buzzing and cars passing. Central air turning on and off. Electricity zapping through wires and turning things on. I miss the day when silence was silence. Nothing could be heard for miles except the occasional flutter of a birds wings. (B takes out phone and calls A. Somewhere in here, A answers phone. Doesn’t have to finish monologue). Now there are too many airplanes overhead to hear any birds. One can hardly live in town because so many people listen to their music loud enough to rattle the windows. I want to be able to hear my own mind, which is difficult these days.
A: (On phone). Hello?
B: WILL YOU PLEASE REFRAIN!?
A: (Jolted by sound of yelling. Hangs up phone. Whispers) You didn’t have to be so rude. Could have simply asked me to stop talking.
B: Would you have listened?
A: Of course not. Still would have been better form.
B: Wouldn’t have accomplished the goal of “cheap, modern” silence.
A: I’m only saying, there are other ways of phrasing.
B: By all means provide examples.
A: ‘Good sir, though you are brilliant in your speech, please hush yourself so we can better hear.’
B: Or: Quiet down! You drone too long!
A: Muffle your tones.
B: Close your mouth.
A: Leave the end of your monologue unuttered.
B: Put yourself on mute.
A mocks B behind their back. They sit in silence for a while. Suddenly A hits the wall behind them as hard as they can. Jarring B.
B: What the hell is the matter with you?
A: It was too quiet.
B: You just said—
A: Never mind what I said, listen!
B: (Pause. Whispers) What?
A: (Jumps out of seat) HO!
B: What’s the matter? Are you hurt?
A: No. I just thought of something exciting. (Sits again)
B: (Waits expectantly for a while). Well?
A: Well what?
B: What’s exciting??
A: I’m not telling you.
B: You boob.
A: (Grabs B’s arm, freezing). Wait.
B: What?
A: (leans closer to B, speaks from corner of mouth, still looking ahead) I think I figured out what we heard…we’re not alone…
A and B slowly pan heads to audience, looking them in the face.
END.
